Gay Men’s Bodily Attractiveness: Why a Higher Standard?

The recent viral online articles, “It Gets Better, Unless You’re Fat” and “A Straight Woman and a Gay Man Talk Body Image,” have garnered much attention in that they both offer novel insight into the difficulties that gay men face regarding their bodily attractiveness.  It is evident that many gay men feel a constant pressure to look a certain way. Some of these idealizations include but are not limited to having six-pack abs, a V-cut body shape, toned arms and legs, and having little to no body fat in the midsection. Although these desired bodily features are not impossible to attain, they become unrealistic in the sense that gay men expect themselves and others (friends and dating partners) to meet these standards. But why is it that gay men feel that they need to meet these specific physical standards? And is it true (as the writers from point out) gay men have higher physical attractiveness standards than do straight men or straight women?

physique image

These questions are tricky because there is not just one simple answer. I will point out a two perspectives that might shed light on this issue.

1. Creating a High Standard through Target Marketing

One reason gay men might place such a high premium on their physical attractiveness is that they are constantly being exposed to an ideal. This ideal can be seen in various media and business advertisements targeted towards gay male consumers, and these almost always depict shirtless, muscular gay male models (note the image). It is very common to see this marketing strategy used in the gay community. Many gay businesses, bars, and events utilize the attractive appeal of a male model in order to attract the attention of young, gay audiences. Let’s not forget Grindr! However, by exposing gay men to these ideal standards, gay men may feel a need to change their behavior (exercise, eating, etc.) in order to reduce the discrepancy between how they look and how the standard is supposed to look1. Though, this may be no different from the process that straight women and straight men go through to meet similar standards. For example, straight women are also exposed to fashion and beauty advertisements depicting thin, attractive women. Nonetheless, it is important to note that even though women are constantly striving to achieve an “ideal thin” body size, gay men feel a need to not only be thin, but to also be muscular2. This key distinction may reflect the higher body standards for gay men and the increased pressure to meet these standards.

man in mirror

2. Perpetuating the Standard through Partner Preferences

Although quite intuitive, another reason why gay men may feel a great desire to have an ideal body is to attract high-quality dating or romantic partners. There is evidence to suggest that gay men place exceptionally high value on physically attractive partners, similar to straight men3. Unlike straight men however, gay men have an increasingly difficult time finding a romantic partner because gay men represent a significantly smaller percentage of the population. Imagine taking your potential dating pool and shrinking it by 80-90%. Because of this, gay men may perceive a greater urgency to emphasize their bodily features in order to attract suitable partners that are not as abundant in the general population. In turn, this may cause gay men to be extremely picky when it comes to selecting a partner as well.  For instance, it is likely that a gay man will want to select among other gay men who meet or closely resemble the bodily attractiveness standard. This may cause other gay men (those do not meet or resemble “the ideal”) to feel rejected or generally uncomfortable with their body because they are not able to attract a desirable partner.

Body image is a huge concern among many gay men, and the standards for a desirable body are getting higher. Even though straight women and straight men face similar concerns in regards to their body image, it is important to understand that gay men are under extreme pressure to conform to these standards, which may be the result of the different dating and marketing environments that gay men inhabit.


1. Carver, C. S., & Scheier, M. F. (1998). On the self-regulation of behavior. New York: Cambridge University Press.

2. Yelland, C., & Tiggemann, M. (2003). Muscularity and the gay ideal: Body dissatisfaction and disordered eating in homosexual men. Eating Behaviors, 4, 107-116.

3. Bailey, M. J., Gaulin, S., Agyei, Y., and Gladue, B. A. (1994). Effects of gender and sexual orientation on evolutionary relevant aspects of human mating psychology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 66, 1081-1093.


  1. Obtaining a healthy self image is good for one’s well being, but any thoughts on how to maintain a good balance between a healthy body image and meaningful relationships. Being self aware that maintaining this ideal image is not healthy, but its difficult to dial this back and accept that sometimes being gay fat yet skinny straight is completely acceptable. What behaviors or perspectives can we change from your observations.

  2. I’ve recently become interested in this topic. When thinking about this topic the first thing I noticed is that there seems to be a perception that lesbians are more comfortable with variations from the “ideal.” Specifically, I think this would weaken the argument that a smaller dating pool causes men to conform to a high standard. Furthermore, I have often heard the opposite, where studies suggest that it is easier to find a partner (for heterosexual couples) in smaller cities instead of larger ones. This might suggest that men are in competition with each other. The ideal then resembles an arbitrary, post-modernist rule by which we can order our dates, leaving a smaller and smaller percentage of desirable people the more the population increases.

    This was a good article. It leaves me wondering about how lesbians navigate and/or escape body ideals, and population dynamics.

  3. I think there is a lot of unfair stereotyping and pathologization of homosexuality when generalizing about body types deemed attractive.

    Most gay guys neither work out nor care about having a partner who works out. The reality is that, for example,and you can confirm in any gay website, that muscle men such as bodybuilders are deemed gross and unattractive.

    The ideal that gay men care so much about physical appearance and have higher standards than heterosexual people is just another of the stereotypes forced on gay men preventing people from seeing the reality without this biased idea about homosexual men.

    I’m not saying there aren’t gay men who feel pressured to be muscular or that an athletic body is not seen as more attractive; I’m saying that there is an unfair depiction of reality, a bias since people always try to put homosexual men into small reductive boxes and portray them as one-dimentional people.

    This pathologization is evident when compared to beauty standards applied to heterosexual people. Heterosexual men are also bombarded by the media with messages that musles are more attractive for women and women, on the other hand, that slim bodies are more attractive for men. Rarely this case ends up pathologazing heterosexualty.

    Most gay men don’t care about physical appearance any more than their heterosexual counterparts. Can we finally let bias go away?

  4. charles says:

    The “ideal man” physically speaking has been the same since ancient Greece. So there is a set of standards that defines if a man is attractive or not. Attractiveness isn’t some abstract concept invented by modern society. Gay men are more aware of this standard and are better able to compare themselves to the standard than straight men.

    1) Straight men like women not men. So they don’t have first hand experience telling them what is attractive in men. They have to rely largely on media and what women tell them. Gay men have a constant feedback of how close they are to the “standard” because they can judge their own attractiveness.

    2) Straight men can’t directly compare their bodies to their partners. Women and men have different features that make them attractive. A gay man can easily tell if their partner is more attractive than them which inevitably leads to feeling inferior which typically leads to them trying to become more attractive by moving their body closer to the “standard”.

    Basically gay men have constant self feedback on how attractive they are compared to what is considered attractive and they can directly compare themselves to their partner. All and all this leads to gay men valuing and working towards the same standard, resulting in more gay men expecting others to meet that standard.

  5. Beauty standards as well as pressure and expectations exist for people of all sexual orientations so I think there is bias when addressing the topic regarding gay men. There is undeniably bias and predisposition to see gay men from an already conditioned perspective as some sort of brainwashing. At the same time, heterosexual people are not the object of speculation and bias regarding pressure to meet beauty standards.

    This is not a problem on an indivuduals level; not on a sexual orientation’s level.

  6. I’m a gay man. I am attracted to men who look very different from me. I’m not attracted to myself. I have no idea if other men find me attractive until they actually say so. Gay men and straight women don’t operate in such different circumstances after all.

  7. Gya are are always pathologised and statements such as extreme preoccupation with body image abound among gay men. Yet the same people who pathologise gay men have never stopped to see and think for a second that when you see bodybuilding/fitness ads what you see is mesages for heterosexual men. You see bodybuilders posing with women in provocative ways, either flirting, forplaying or making you understad they are about to have sex. You see bodybuilders smiling around women a sif telling heterosexual men “if you look like men you will have lots of sex with different women. They won’t be able to resisit your sex appeal”.

    The world of bodybuilding/fitness doesn’t speak to gay men since bodybuilding never portrays same-sex attraction. What you always see is muscles = heterosexual desire and sex.

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